Alone or Lonely?

It’s my first year of University and it has been a bitter-sweet experience so far. It’s nice that I have all this freedom to live on hall, away from my parent’s in a new city, not needing permission to do what I want to; but sometimes I wonder if it’s really freedom although I am free. In high school I had a handful of friends who I looked forward to seeing and sharing different stories and jokes from my life. Now, there’s no one. I don’t have those friends anymore, we grew up and everyone’s life took a different path, we hardly get to see each other. I guess I could say I have one friend, my boyfriend. But does he count as a friend? I can’t share my life story with him because he’s actually the only story I have right now. I spend half of my days with him, the other half at class. We can’t talk about girly things because he’s a man and we don’t really have that much in common in terms of interest.

In high school, I thought University would be fun, I had everything planned. I’d get to go to different and new places, have fun with my friends, do crazy girly things. Life decided to take a complete 180 and I have not achieved any of these. I find it so hard to make friends. I’m almost 19, everyone I meet already have friends so they don’t need me. Even though there are people who are very friendly with me it’s quite obvious that they don’t want to be friends. Perhaps I’ll make some friends later this semester. I should talk to randomly people, go to clubs at school, exchange numbers with someone I met ten minutes ago or ask if I can sit with a group of people who seem cool. Hopefully by then I will find a friend, to get rid of this loneliness, to tell about my day, laugh with and go out and have some fun. Hopefully. I am desperate.